Runaway
by danisliterallynotonfire
Summary: Dan and Phil run away together. Phan. Before you read this, there is a large age gap between Dan and Phil in this. I am aware of the laws about this, this is completely fictional, didn't happen, I don't own Dan or Phil. Enjoy.
1. Part 1: Discovery

_A/N: I've had several people mentioning the age issue. In England this would be legal, but I felt a little uncomfortable making Dan any younger than sixteen, so no it's not accurate. Just bear in mind that this is fiction and it's purpose is to entertain and not educate. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this._

"Dan..." my mum reminded me where I was and I jumped, hastily locking my phone and sliding it into my pocket. I looked round at her, to find she had been looking over my shoulder. I had no idea how long she'd been there. "Who were you talking to?" she asked, and my stomach churned at the question. I could feel myself going pink, and all my parents' friends were looking curiously at me. This couldn't happen. Especially not now, right in the middle of my parents' new years party. "A... A friend." I stuttered, unsure of how much of the conversation she had read. She raised her eyebrows. "Well do tell me which _friend_ this is that you love so much." she pressed, a smile on her face. She just thought it was just an innocent 'I love you' to a crush or a girlfriend. She was just playfully trying to embarrass me. She couldn't know. "No one." I said, trying to play it cool. She laughed. "Whatever you say." she said, and I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding.  
I returned to the living room about half an hour later after helping my dad out in the kitchen in an attempt to avoid my mum and her 'knowing' looks. She didn't _know_ anything. She didn't even know that I was gay, let alone that I had been dating Phil for six months, that boy I met on the internet that she didn't like me seeing. That floppy-haired boy who was five years older than me. I returned to see my mother, stood in the middle of the room, triumphantly holding my phone in her hand, her brow furrowed as she struggled to find the texts that she really didn't want to see. She clearly thought it would be funny to tease her smitten sixteen-year-old son in front of her friends. "No!" I shouted, but she just laughed again, along with all her friends. As I started forward to take the phone out if her hands, her face fell and her laughter stopped abruptly. I put my head in my hands as she scanned just some of the hundreds of texts me and Phil had exchanged in the last few weeks alone. I could feel the eyes of all my mum's friends on me as I waited for the outburst. "JAMES!" she shouted for my dad first. Great. I finally looked up at her as my dad entered. "Would you care to explain yourself?" she said, her voice quiet and venomous. I gulped, taking a step backwards. "I hope for your sake this isn't the same Phil you met up with last year." I was quiet for a while before nodding slowly, biting my lip. She was about to speak when my dad interrupted. "What's going on?" he asked, looking from me to my mum and back. My mum showed my dad the screen of my phone, and I suddenly snapped into action, grabbing at my phone. My dad snatched it out of my reach and began reading. "That's private! It's nothing to do with you!" I shouted. My mum turned to me with tears in her eyes. "It is of you've been dating a twenty one year old behind our backs!" she shouted. All of the guests were staring at the three of us in shock. I stared at my mum for a few moments. "Please, let's not do this now." I begged, "I don't want to ruin new years-"  
"Well it's too late for that!" my dad shouted, looking up from my phone but keeping hold of it. "Explain yourself." he demanded. I was silent for a while, looking around at everyone in the room. I shrugged, looking back at my dad. "I'm gay." I said simply, "And Phil moved down here six months ago to be closer to friends, and I've been with him since then and I'm in love with him."

My dad sighed heavily. "Don't be stupid, Dan, you're much too young to be deciding these things. Everyone experiments a little when they're teenagers, it doesn't mean anything. You don't love him."  
"I do!" I shouted, tears filling my eyes. "I'm not seven, I know what I want."  
My mum stepped forward, her expression now sympathetic. "Look, Dan. There are some bad people out there, especially on the internet, who will force you into thinking certain things. That's why I told you not to see him any more."  
I shook my head. "Don't say that stuff about Phil!" I shouted.  
"Dan, it's ok, this isn't your fault. He's the one in the wrong here. We'll call the police tomorrow, and he can get the punishment he deserves." my mum said soothingly. My eyes widened in panic. No. _No_. "No!" I yelled. The police couldn't get involved. I couldn't lose Phil. Phil was all I had left. "He hasn't done anything... Y-You can't take him away from me."  
"Honey, it's not right. He's not a nice person, whatever you might think." my mum said, trying to calm me down. I looked to my dad, who was always the slightly more rational of the two. He sighed. "You can't see him any more. If you haven't told him by tomorrow I'm going to ring the police." he said, his voice oddly calm. I stared at him, trying to protest, but he was making it obvious that that was the end of it. Without a word I turned and left, stuffing my feet into the nearest pair of my shoes and slamming the front door behind me.

I arrived at Phil's, out of breath and close to tears. I knocked shakily on the door of his flat. Phil wasn't going out until later, and it had only just gone eight. I ran a hand through my hair. I had formed a plan in my head on the way here, and I was trying to organise my thoughts somehow and concentrate on what was important at the moment. Phil opened the door a little and peered through the gap, his eyes softening as he saw me. He opened the door fully. He must have just got out of the shower because his hair was wet and his checked shirt was only done up half way. He must've been getting ready to go out. Phil looked expectantly at me, finishing buttoning up his shirt, obviously waiting for me to explain my presence. "M-My parents found out." I muttered, a few tears spilling down my face. "About us. They said I can't see you any more."  
He stared at me in disbelief, his arms dropping to his sides. "No..." he whispered.  
"I'm sorry, I was texting you and my mum was looking over my shoulder and she took it off me and... They're gonna call the police if I don't break up with you." I started to cry, and then it was hard to stop. I gave in, letting myself break down in Phil's arms. He held me tight. "It's ok Dan, it's ok. You'll find someone better." he whispered and I shook my head. "I don't want anyone else. I love you. I'm so so sorry."  
"It's not your fault." Phil said rubbing my back soothingly, and I felt a few sobs escape his chest.  
"I shouldn't have been so careless." I whispered.  
"Dan, it's ok... It's done now." Phil murmured, "It wasn't your fault. You go. I don't want you to get in trouble for this."  
"I can't go!" I said, raising my voice a little and he hushed me, calming me with his little gentle movements. "I c-can't lose you. You're all I have." I whimpered. Phil didn't speak. I could hear his gentle, rhythmic breathing from above me, his heart beating in his chest. I looked up at him. His expression was blank, but his eyes were glistening with tears. "Phil, you don't have to pretend you're fine with this." I said quietly, and a few tears escaped from those beautiful blue eyes, streaming down his cheeks. I had always been so obvious and up-front with his emotions, but I often found Phil hard to figure out, even after we'd known each other for so long. I reached up and brushed the tears away with my thumb.  
"I was stupid to think this would work." Phil muttered. "I'm sorry I got your hopes up. It's not your fault. I love you, but the age difference... It's not just something we can pretend isn't there."  
I nodded and looked down, chewing on my bottom lip. I heard Phil sigh. "C'mere," he said, and he turned my face towards him, kissing me gently. I leaned in and kissed back at once. There was always something reassuring about Phil's lips, his kisses never failing to calm me down if I needed it, but this time there was something so startlingly unsettling about it, because I knew it could be the last one. I made my mind up in a split second and pulled away, looking up at Phil.  
"Run away with me."


	2. Part 2: Escape

Phil looked down at me, his face expressionless, obviously thinking this over thoroughly. I almost immediately regretting saying it. He couldn't leave his whole life behind just because I didn't want to dump him, but I just needed to check, for my own assurance more than anything. I rested my head on his chest and sighed. "Doesn't matter..." I started to say, but he got there before me.  
"Okay." he said quietly. I was silent for several minutes, wondering if I'd heard him right. "A-Are you serious?" I said, not daring to believe it. He nodded and I let go of him, staring up at him. "What? You can't... what about all your friends and family?"  
"You're more important." he smiled, taking my hands in his. "Why did you ask if you didn't think I would?" he laughed lightly.  
"I-I just wanted to know... make sure. I didn't expect you to say yes."  
"Well I mean, we don't have to-"  
"No! No, I want to. I really want to."  
"Good, so do I." Phil said, pressing his lips to mine for a moment. "So... do you have a plan?"  
I hesitated. "London." I said after a short silence. Phil had quite a lot of money thanks to youtube, and that combined with the money I had from a saturday jobs and his parents, I knew we had enough to survive on in hotels and friends' houses for a few months until we could find a flat. "We're going to London." I said decisively. "Pack whatever you need, I'll be back here by ten." I turned to the door.  
"Dan, wait!" Phil said, grabbing my arm. "We can't just run off to L-"  
"Phil, just trust me on this. Please." I said, kissing him on the cheek and leaving, heading down the stairs as quickly as I could rather than take the snails pace lift. I ran home, and stopped at the end of my road. I got my breath back and started to walk slowly towards my house, trying to make myself cry. I thought about the story I was going to tell my parents, and the thought of actually breaking up with Phil was enough to bring tears to my eyes, and I blinked rapidly until my face was streaked with tears. I opened the door and shuffled inside, shoulders slumped, sniffing quietly. I went into the living room where my parents were, mum crying and dad just looking disappointed. They both looked up as I entered. Most of the guests were still there, obviously hanging around to comfort my parents. My dad raised an eyebrow at me. "Did you do it?" he asked, no sympathy in his voice. I nodded, sniffing again. "What did he say?" he demanded.  
"He said he loved me but he'll stay away if it means I'm safe." I whispered.  
"Good. Now maybe you can come and celebrate new years with us properly."  
I shook my head. "I want to be on my own for a while. I'm going to bed." I said, turning away and going upstairs. Once my bedroom door was shut I started to pack the essentials. I needed to fit it all in my backpack so I stuck to absolute necessities: underwear, a change of clothes and my laptop. I looked around for anything else I might need, but there was nothing else I could see that was of any need or sentimental value to me. I wanted to leave all this behind, start over, away from my family and so-called friends. My parents still had my phone, and I really had no use for it. The only person I ever texted, or had intentions of keeping in contact with after tonight, was Phil, and he was coming with me. I had no use for the incriminating object any more. I finished packing and sat down on my bed, writing out a note on the back of a bus ticket.  
'_Mum and dad,  
I love you but if you're making me choose between you and Phil, I choose Phil. I've probably brought enough shame on you already. I won't be coming home any time soon. Don't come looking for me.  
Dan x'  
_I was sat there for a while, wondering the best way to escape, when I heard footsteps thundering up the stairs and my dad burst into my room. I had been prepared for this, my bag hid in the corner, note upturned on the bedside table, me under the covers, but I still jumped. "I'm calling the police right now!" he shouted, and I stared up at him. He knew. He must know about our plan to leave. How? "W-Why?" I stuttered, getting up from the bed.  
"The pictures!" my dad shouted, and I felt an odd contrast of embarrassment, relief and panic rush through me.  
"That's private!" I growled back.  
"It's disgusting, Dan!"  
"How does this change anything?" I asked, my fists clenching.  
"It proves you two were in a sexual relationship, and that makes him a paedophile. He's going to prison for a very long time once the police see those pictures."  
I ran a hand through my hair. "Maybe this'll teach you not to go nosing in other people's business!"  
"I'm calling the police _now_." My dad snarled, turning away and picking up the phone from the landing.  
"NO!" I shouted, staring at him as he dialled three numbers into the phone. "Dad, you can't... he's not a bad person. I love him!" I yelled desperately. He ignored me, turning to face the other way. I stood frozen, unsure of my next move. I made a quick decision and crept back into my room, grabbed my bag, put my shoes on and tip-toed back out. My dad still wasn't looking and was talking loudly on the phone. He was actually doing this. He was reporting Phil to the police. I snuck down the stairs, past the living room where everyone was crowding round my mum who was crying loudly, and out of the front door. I started to run as fast as I could, not stopping until I was inside the lift up to Phil's floor. This time when I knocked on the door he answered it almost at once, his hair now dried and straightened, his backpack slung across one shoulder as he tied up his laces. "My dad's calling the police." I said quietly, and he straightened up at once, his eyes wide. "Why? What did you tell him?"  
"Nothing! I said we broke up and that I wanted some space, but they still had my phone and they found the... the photos." I said quietly.  
"Fuck." Phil cursed, surprising me a little. It wasn't often that Phil swore.  
"I ran out while my dad was on the phone to the police. They'll come looking for me any minute. We need to go now." I said urgently. He nodded, checking his pockets before following me out.

It wasn't very far from Phil's house to the train station, which I was unbelievably thankful for. Within fifteen minutes we were stood on platform four, my hand tightly clasped in his, looking around nervously every few seconds. This train couldn't come quick enough. I couldn't help but mull over everything my dad had said this evening about Phil, about how I was 'too young' to be in love or to know my sexuality. I sighed, giving his hand a little squeeze. We got a few looks off people, but I didn't stop to even consider getting annoyed about it or asking them what their problem was. This needed to be a quiet, smooth exit and I couldn't afford to draw attention to us. I was just grateful that me and Phil didn't look too far apart in age.

We both sighed in relief as the train finally came, Phil leading me towards the nearest set of doors and into two free seats. I flopped down in the window seat, looking out at the platform, my leg jiggling in a haphazard pattern, waiting for the train to leave so I could relax at least a little. We finally began to move, and I looked at Phil's reflection. He was staring out the window too, eyes flicking rapidly as the scenery outside passed in a blur of grey. He blinked, looking at my own reflection and giving me a little reassuring smile. I turned round in my seat to face him. "You alright?" he asked, reaching a hand out to brush a few strands of hair out of my eyes. I nodded, returning the smile. The carriage wasn't that busy, and no one was really paying attention to us, but I didn't want to risk kissing him, just in case. In case of what, I wasn't really sure of, but after my parents' reactions I felt a bit paranoid being too obvious about it when there were people around. I leant back in my seat, shutting my eyes briefly. We were going to be ok. My dad would have a very hard time finding us now. Phil rested his hand lightly on my thigh, just letting me know he was there. He always seemed to read me so well, able to tell how I was feeling. He would always hold my hand or keep some part of our body in contact whenever I was anxious, and it was comforting just to have that little touch to let me know I was safe. I looked over at him. "I love you." I said quietly. He pressed a quick kiss to my forehead. "I love you too."


	3. Part 3: Fireworks

I woke up abruptly as a group of noisy drunk people entered our carriage. I was curled up in my seat, my head on Phil's chest, his arm around me. I sat up, looking sleepily up at Phil. I didn't like trains, and I felt slightly ill. "Where are we?" I asked, rubbing my eyes.  
"We're nearly there. Next stop." he said with a little smile. I nodded and leant my head back on Phil's chest. "What's the time?" I asked, and he checked his phone. "Half eleven." he whispered, kissing the top of my head, and I nodded. This wasn't how I had expected to spend my new years. At first I was going to go to a party with some friends from school, but they had told me it was cancelled. I knew it wasn't, because I heard them talking about it the next day. I was always the one who was ignored and left out in their little group. The only reason I still hung around with them was because they were my only friends apart from Phil, and he was busy a lot of the time and had his own friends. If I didn't hang around with my 'friends', it would mean being at home, and my parents would only 'worry about me'. But still I had ended up stuck at my parents' new years party, seeing as Phil was going out with his own friends and they wouldn't want me there.  
"Guess we are spending new years together after all." I said quietly, and he nodded.  
"Yeah..." he said, and he was smiling. So was I. All I had wanted was a new years kiss with Phil.  
I sat up as the train pulled up to Waterloo station. It was busy, and I held onto Phil's hand as I followed him through the crowds, out of the station. London was crawling with people, but Phil managed to navigate us to a spot just across the Thames from the London Eye, and we squeezed through the crowds so we were in view of the Eye. Phil put his arm around me and checked the time again. It was five to midnight. We needed to find somewhere to sleep tonight and I was still worried about my parents finding us, our plans were extremely hazy and anything could go wrong, but I pushed it all to the back of my mind, sliding my arm around Phil's waist and looking up at him, struggling to imagine a better place to end up on new years eve at five to twelve, or a better person to be here with. It was noisy, people talking and music blaring from somewhere, but I focused on Phil. He smiled down at me. "This was good timing." he said, looking out over the river. I nodded, leaning into him. We were quiet for a few minutes, until the countdown started.

10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... I looked up at Phil, and he turned round to face me, a little smile on his face. 4... I put my arms round his waist, pulling him close to me, and he linked his fingers against the small of my back, biting his lip a little. 3... He leaned down so his mouth was level with my ear. "Ever had a new year kiss before?" he whispered. 2... I shook my head as he drew back. 1... he smiled and pressed his lips against mine, soft at first. 0... I drowned out the noise of the crowds cheering around us and kissed back instinctively, leaning up on tip toes and draping my arms around his neck. All I could hear were the noise of the fireworks, mirroring exactly how I felt inside. When we broke apart it was 12:03. "Happy new year." he whispered, pulling me into a tight hug.

We left as soon as the fireworks were over and the crowds started to thin out, and wandered for a while until we found our way into a dodgy-looking bar, which was jam packed. Everyone was drunk, even the employees, and no one gave me a second glance or questioned my age. I was lucky enough to look a few years older than I was. We sat on our own in the corner for a while, talking and having a few drinks each, but it wasn't soon before a couple of guys started looking over at us. "Shit," I muttered, looking back at Phil, who had his back to the rest of the room. "What is it?" Phil asked, frowning.  
"Some guys... looking over." I mumbled. I didn't want to start a fight, especially not with these guys. We couldn't draw attention to ourselves, just in case. I glanced over again, and one of them winked at me. I felt a subtle blush creeping up my cheeks and looked away as three of them made their way over. "They're coming over." I hissed to Phil, who turned around. They greeted us like they'd known us for years and sat down with us. I met Phil's eyes and we both smirked, trying not to laugh. I picked up my drink and took a sip to hide my laughter, and Phil coughed quietly, looking down at his lap. They all introduced themselves and they looked expectantly at us. Phil looked nervously over at me. "I'm Dan, this is Phil. We just, uh... decided tonight that we'd come up to London for new years and stay a few days." I improvised. One of them, who had introduced himself as Mike, laughed. "I thought you didn't look like local guys. It's the fringe, careful or you might get stabbed." I threw Phil a panicked look and they all erupted in laughter. "I'm joking I'm joking." he said, slapping me hard on the back. I was having difficulty seeing how this was supposed to be a friendly gesture, and noticed Phil trying to stifle a giggle again. I kicked him under the table and he stopped, biting his lip, smirking at me again. They bought us some more drinks and Phil bought a few rounds, and a few hours later we were stumbling out of the bar, along with several other people we had picked up, talking loudly and merrily, me and Phil walking unsteadily, hand in hand a few paces behind them. They had mentioned a party at a friends' house, and we didn't have anywhere better to be, so had agreed to come too.


	4. Part 4: London

I woke up on a bathroom floor. Phil was passed out next to me, his hand resting on my chest. I sat up slowly and groaned, my head pounding. I propped myself up against the edge of the bath and put my head in my hands. "Phil..." I called softly. He didn't stir. I shook him gently and he slowly opened his eyes, blinking up at me. "Ow," he mumbled, wincing as he sat up.  
We sat there together for a while, groaning and complaining about headaches and trying to remember what had happened last night. Eventually we ventured out of the unfamiliar bathroom and into the rest of the unfamiliar house. We found our bags, which by some miracle hadn't been stolen or emptied, and left. We noticed several people passed out on beds and sofas as we made our exit, but I didn't recognise any of them. From what I could remember there were a lot of people there last night.  
It was gone three by the time we found our way back into a nicer part of London, and Phil decided we should book into a hotel for a few nights until we could get a solid plan figured out. We found a fairly cheap independent hotel and booked in for three nights. It was a relief to finally get to our room and get rid of our bags. I took a shower after Phil and went back out to collapse into bed with Phil, not bothering to get dressed other than putting on some boxers. I was too tired and hung over for clothes, I mumbled to Phil when he mentioned my lack thereof. Me and Phil cuddled for a bit, and Phil watched some TV but I was half asleep and paid little attention to it. When it got near to evening Phil woke me up from my nap, mumbling something about dinner plans and I dragged myself out of the fluffy covers that only hotel beds seemed to provide and got dressed, attempting to make myself look respectable. I felt a bit better by the time we got outside into the cold evening.  
"I _definitely_ won't be drinking tonight." Phil muttered as we looked around at the street our hotel was on, taking my hand and leading me left onto the busy pavement. I laughed, "Me neither."  
"No, because you're not legally allowed to." Phil chuckled, and I elbowed him in the ribs. We were quiet for a while after that. It seemed like no matter what we did, there was no escaping the fact that he was legally an adult, and I was legally still a child in most respects.  
We found a nice-looking Italian restaurant after walking for a while. I pointed out the prices but he put a finger over my lips to silence me. "New years day treat, okay?"  
I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Fine." I said with a little smile. "I just don't want to blow all our money in the first week."  
"Oh, don't worry about that." Phil smiled as he ushered me into the restaurant, and I started to wonder just how much money Phil had stored away. He always seemed to be buying new clothes and games, and often presents for me.  
Once we were seated, I voiced my question. He bit his lip. "Enough for it not to be an issue." he said after a moment's thought. I didn't really understand what he meant by that, but I took it to mean that I didn't need to worry about it, so I didn't. Phil could keep making videos after all, so we would have a continuous income. I smiled, sipping at my drink. I felt a little out of place here. Everyone else was dressed up nice but I was in jeans and a t-shirt, seeing at that was the only thing I had packed... it didn't matter though. I was perfectly happy being the odd one out, with Phil.  
The waiter came over as we were idly discussing last night. "It honestly felt like someone was repeatedly assaulting my brain with a pickax- oh." I stopped abruptly as the waiter drew near. Phil failed to stifle a laugh and we gave our orders to the clearly impatient and disapproving looking waiter. As he left we both burst into fits of giggles, and I bit down on my knuckle so silence myself, and to stop the other customers from staring at us. We had calmed down by the time our food came, and over our meals we discussed a more specific plan. There was every chance that my parents were trying to find our whereabouts, but they didn't know Phil's full name. As long as I didn't tell anyone my name we should be fine.

We sat in a contented silence for a while after finishing our food, neither of us feeling the need to make a conversation to fill the silence, just enjoying each others' company. I looked across at Phil, and all I could think of was just how glad I was that I hadn't had to break up with Phil because despite how problematic our relationship could be at times, having to hide it from almost everyone other than a few of Phil's closest friends, I loved him more than anything. He was the only person I could be myself around. I'd never exactly been bullied, I just never felt like I fit in with my friends. I was always being dragged along to parties I didn't want to be at, trying to avoid my parents' questions about where I'd been all night, dodging my friends' questions about why I'd never had a girlfriend, hiding the fact that I quite often made out with guys when I was drunk, never feeling like I could let my guard down around... anyone. Then I met Phil. We started talking to each other online, and within a month or two we were speaking every day. We started skyping every few days and exchanged numbers, and eventually started making plans to meet up. I was always kind of attracted to Phil, but I hadn't dared to admit it to myself, never really thinking anything could happen, after all he probably wouldn't be interested in someone my age, but we met up and spent a really nice day together and I went with him to the train station to see him off and he kissed me just before he left. Neither of us mentioned it until we met up again a few weeks later and he brought it up. He said he couldn't stop thinking about me and no matter how much he told himself it was wrong he couldn't help it, and he wanted to act on his feelings just to see if I was ok with it. I told him how I felt and we agreed not to see anyone else, and we kissed a few more times. Once he'd finished university he moved in about fifteen minutes away from my house so he could be nearer to his friends, and to me, and after a lot of talking and encouragement from me, we agreed to date, but not tell anyone. I guess that's not really dating if you have to pretend it's not happening, but I always thought of him as my boyfriend. It also meant I had somewhere to go other than hang around with my friends all the time, and I sometimes spent up to a week at a time sleeping round Phil's. My parents never really seemed to notice. As long as I was out of their way they didn't care, and neither did I. I reached over the table to slide my hand over Phil's. "I love you." I said quietly, and he smiled "I love you too."


	5. Part 5: I'm Scared

Phil paid and we left the restaurant, intertwining our fingers and taking a slow walk back to the hotel. I liked holding Phil's hand. His hands were a little bigger than mine, and it always made me feel kind of safe to have his hand gripped in my palm. My fingers fit snugly in the gaps between his fingers, as if they were meant to be there, and his hands were always warm. It was just one of those little things that I'd come to notice and love over time, like the way he always linked his hands together when he put his arms round me to keep me there, safe.  
We didn't talk much on the way back to the hotel. Thinking about it, we didn't actually talk that much considering how much time we spent together... but it didn't feel like we needed to be talking all the time. I wasn't very good at casual conversation, which was maybe why I'd never had many friends, but Phil seemed to get that. He didn't talk a lot either, but when he did speak it was always something that mattered, and I always knew he meant what he said. We messed around a lot too, and we had our fair share of meaningless conversations, but also I liked to be left to my own thoughts, occasionally sharing an idea with Phil.

We started to get cold eventually, and we found our way back to the hotel. I sniffled as we got into the reception, rubbing my hands together. "My face is cold." I pouted as we got into the lift, and Phil took his hands out of his pockets to press them against my cheeks. I pulled a face at him and he grinned, pressing a kiss to my lips. I leaned in again as he made to pull back, catching his lips between mine and leading him back a few steps to press him up against the side of the lift. He put his arms around me, sliding his hands into my back pockets and pulling our hips together with a little smirk. I let out a barely audible groan into the kiss, now pressed right up against Phil's torso. We both jumped as the doors dinged open, and I pulled back. I followed Phil out into the corridor and towards our room and he pushed me up against the door, attaching his lips to mine, searching his pockets blindly for the key. I reached my hand into his back pocket and pulled the key out, grinning as I slid it into the door. He pulled back to give me a look and I smirked, raising an eyebrow at him. "Shuddup," he mumbled, letting me lead him inside and kicking the door shut behind him. "Make me," I grinned, falling back onto the bed.

He kicked his shoes off and did the same, climbing on top of me and kissing me. I reached up and started to unbutton Phil's shirt, moving down to kiss his neck and jaw. "You're eager." Phil commented, and I could hear the smirk in his voice. "Shut up." I mumbled against his neck. I heard his breath hitch. It had been over a week since our last time thanks to christmas and spending time with family, and I just really needed him right now, more as a sense of comfort than to satisfy any needs. I was scared, if I was totally honest with myself. I didn't know this area, I didn't know anyone, I felt constantly on edge that something bad was going to happen, and I just really wanted the comfort and distraction of Phil at the moment. We slowly undressed each other, kissing gently, no real sense of urgency in our actions. I was happy to just kiss Phil for as long as he was, and I found myself lost in his lips. They were so easy to get completely sidetracked by, so soft and sweet, his kisses both assertive and gentle. Phil stopped once we were both undressed, leaning over to retrieve some lubricant from his bag. "You sure about this?" he murmured, his lips ghosting across my neck. I shivered a little and nodded. "Of course." I whispered. This was always my answer, but he always asked. Another little thing about him; he was always so cautious and tender with me, not doing anything unless he was absolutely sure I was ok with it. I got a little impatient sometimes, but I appreciated it. I knew he cared about me, that he didn't intend to ever hurt me. He nodded, "Just... making sure." he mumbled. He prepared me as carefully as he could, kissing me again to distract me from the pain. It hurt, it always did initially, and there was nothing romantic or sensual about this part, but he always made it as comfortable for me as he could. When we were both ready he slowly pushed into me. I bit my lip, eyes falling shut. Phil pushed fully inside of me and waited for a minute or so, giving me a chance to adjust, waiting for the familiar sting to fade. I wriggled my hips, pushing him just a little deeper and nodded. He began to move, slowly at first, pressing short kisses to my lips over and over. "You ok?" he mumbled, brushing my fringe out of my eyes and I nodded, groaning quietly at the sensation of him filling me almost entirely. I lifted my legs up and wrapped them around his waist, pushing him deeper with each thrust, grinding my hips in time with his. He moaned, looking down at me and grinning. "I love you." he murmured, dropping his head down to kiss me again. I groaned into it, one hand tangling in his hair, the other wrapping around my own length, stroking myself slowly. I moaned something along the lines of "I love you" back at him into his lips, hand tightening a little in his hair with each thrust. He removed one of his hands from my waist to nudge my hand away from myself and took hold of my member, copying the rhythm of our hips. "Phil..." I moaned, pulling back from his kiss, pulling on his hair a little, gasping as he slammed into my prostate. "Th-there..." I choked out and he smirked, continuing the kiss, biting down on my bottom lip gently, keeping it between his teeth as I opened my eyes and met his gaze. I moaned, my eyes half shut in pleasure, eyes rolling into the back of my head. He moaned, speeding up his actions and I clenched around him. "D-Dan..." he groaned, staring down at me. I put my arms round him, fingernails digging into his back a little. He leant down to my neck, and I was about to protest but he thrust into my prostate again and the words faded from my tongue. He kissed my neck gently a few times, before starting to suck on the sensitive skin just under my jaw. I couldn't help but moan loudly, bucking my hips up to meet his and he hit into my prostate again and again and again. My head was starting to feel fuzzy, I was a hazy mess of moans and pleasure and I flinched as Phil bit my neck, tensing up for a moment before coming mainly into his hand. Phil repeated his movements a few times before I felt him release inside me. He slowed down, thrusting into me once or twice more, riding out his orgasm before coming to a halt. I slumped back against the pillow, eyes shut, panting. Phil pressed a clumsy kiss to my lips before pulling out of me and collapsing onto the bed, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into his chest. I nuzzled into him, burying my face in the crook of his neck and holding tightly onto him, still struggling to regain a normal breathing pattern. Phil gently stroked my hair, twirling strands around his fingers, his other arm wrapped round my waist, keeping me close to him. Now that I was left with my own thoughts again, I couldn't help but immediately return to worrying. Phil sat up a little to get the duvet out from under us, and I sat up with him, not moving from my position curled up into him. He laughed softly, pulling the covers over us and putting his arm back around me. I moved closer into him, as close as physics would allow, sniffing almost inaudibly. "Dan..." Phil muttered, and I could hear concern in his voice. "Are you ok?" he asked, drawing back from me to see my face. My eyes were a little watery and I was struggling to keep myself from crying, my bottom lip trembling. "Oh my god, did I hurt you?" he said, his eyes wide, looking horrified at himself. I shook my head quickly, shuffling over again to be closer to him. "What is it?" he asked, hugging me tightly to his chest. I was quiet for a while, blinking back tears. "Dan?" Phil repeated softy, still stroking my hair.  
"I... I'm scared, Phil." I whispered.  
"Why?"  
"I don't want to lose you."  
"You won't. Of course you won't. That's why we're here."  
"What if they find us? W-What if you get annoyed with me and leave me?"  
"Dan, they won't find us. They have no clues to where we went, and even if they did they'd have a hard time when they don't even know my last name." Phil pressed his lips to my temple. I was quiet for a while. "What if you... l-leave me?" I said, eventually reiterating my other concern, holding my breath. Phil sighed, running his fingers through my hair. I was relieved when I heard him chuckle quietly. "Well now you're just being stupid, Dan. How could I ever leave you? I love you, more than anything else. I could never even consider leaving you. I wouldn't have run away to London with you if I thought there was a possibility of us breaking up within a few months." He kissed the top of my head. "You worry too much, you do." he said, and I could tell he was smiling.  
"You really won't leave?" I asked, still a little hesitant, I felt him shake his head.  
"Of course not."


	6. Part 6: Sleep

I had a hard time sleeping that night. Even after Phil had assured me again and again that he wasn't going to leave and that we were safe from my parents and the police, I still couldn't stop the nagging worry that something bad was going to happen. I had suffered from anxiety for years, and it had gotten a lot worse than this, so bad that I'd had to take medication for it for a while to help me stay calm and others to help me sleep, but it _had_ been getting better since then. It had been a long time since I'd felt this worked up about something. I always worried about things and over-thought everything, when me and Phil first started seeing each other I had trouble sleeping for weeks, terrified that I was going to get him in trouble. Phil had always been good at keeping me calm, but this was the worst he'd seen me. The worst that had happened before now is that I'd turned up at Phil's house in the middle of the night after escaping from some party where my friend had started asking me about why I never showed any interest in girls and had tried to start a fight. I usually kept it in until I was alone. I didn't want people to think I was a freak, and most of all I didn't want Phil to worry about me. He was clearly worried about me now though, and I felt awful. I'd imagined this as being the best time of our lives, completely free, starting a new life together... but it was only the second night and I was already on the verge of a panic attack. Phil didn't show any sign of impatience though; he never did. Sometimes I almost wished he would, I hated seeing him worried, especially when I'd caused it. Phil sighed as I woke him up with my crying for the third time that night. I expected him to be annoyed at me, or at least a little frustrated, but he just looked concerned. "Baby it's alright," he whispered, kissing my forehead and rubbing my back gently.  
"I'm sorry." I whispered, trying to suppress the sobbing. If Phil didn't intend to leave me before I was sure he'd want to after tonight.  
"It's ok, don't apologise. Shh, come on, you need to sleep. You're just tired. I'm sure you'll feel better in the morning. Just get some rest, please. It'll help you feel better." Phil soothed, holding me close to him.  
"I don't deserve you." I whimpered, burying my face in the pillow. I didn't know where that had come from, or that that thought had bothered me before, but it did now.  
"Hey, don't say that."  
"I don't want to lose you."  
"Dan, please stop this. You're stressing yourself out over nothing."  
"I'm sorry," I mumbled miserably. "I-I love you."  
"I love you too." Phil murmured. "Is there anything I can do to help you sleep?"  
"N-No... I don't know." I sighed.  
"There's a vending machine downstairs. I'll go and get something from there if it'll help you feel better."  
I hesitated a moment. "I-If you don't mind." I muttered, wiping some of the tears from my face. "Of course not." Phil smiled, "Anything for you." he kissed me briefly before getting out of bed and getting dressed. "Will you be alright for a few minutes?" he asked, picking the key up from the bedside table and putting some shoes on. I nodded. "I love you." I reminded him as he left and he blew me a kiss. I Iay back down on the bed but it didn't seem quite so warm and comfortable when Phil wasn't in it. I laid still, staring up at the ceiling and trying to think of something, anything other than the prospect of getting caught. It didn't work, and by the time Phil came back I had convinced myself that he'd been caught by the police and had been taken away. I was relieved when he returned, carrying two plastic mugs of hot chocolate and a big bag of maltesers. I grinned in spite of myself as he threw me the maltesers and put the hot chocolate on the bedside table, carefully passing one to me. "You're the best." I told him, and he smiled a little. "I just want you to feel better." he shrugged, stripping back down to his boxers and getting into bed with me. We both sat up against the headboard, his arm around me, sipping carefully at our drinks and sharing maltesers in silence for a little while, and I was starting to feel sleepy. Once I had finished I slid down so I was laid down again and shut my eyes, soon feeling Phil's warm presence do the same.

I heard someone hammering on the door of the hotel room. I sat upright at once, glancing over to see that Phil was still asleep. It was pitch black outside. Before I could stop to wonder who it was, the door burst open to reveal four policemen stood at the door. I stared for a moment, and my dad walked through the middle of them. They were all staring at Phil. I was frozen, my gaze darting from the door to Phil, who was just waking up. He showed no reaction as he saw the group at the door, didn't look at me, didn't say anything. "It's time to give it up, Phil." my dad said, his voice almost a growl. Phil stood up and got out of bed with the same blank expression, approached the doorway and dropped to his knees. "Phil!" I shouted, but none of them paid any attention. I shook my head, jumping out of bed and grabbing Phil's shoulders, trying to pull him back to his feet but he didn't budge. I stared on in disbelief as one of the policemen pulled out a gun and handed it to my dad. "No! PHIL!" I screamed. No reaction. Everything seemed in slow motion as my dad aimed the gun at the side of Phil's head. Without hesitation I jumped in between Phil and my dad. None of them faltered, or looked at me. I shouted, but it was drowned out by the sound of gunshot. I braced myself, stood resolutely in front of Phil, watched the bullet shoot from the gun, but I didn't feel anything. I turned round to see Phil falling sideways, slumping to the ground, his eyes still calm and staring straight ahead, but they weren't quite the same. It seemed a duller shade of blue, as if something was missing from them. I fell to the ground next to him, shaking him violently, shouting his name again and again, sobbing as blood trickled down the side of his face. My dad finally seemed to notice me, and approached me slowly. "Dan..." he called softly. I didn't take my eyes off Phil. "Y-You killed him..." I whispered, and whipped round to face my dad. "You killed him!" I shouted. I was shaking, I felt like my chest was about to rip open. "Dan, it's ok, it's what he deserved, you can come back home now." my dad said soothingly. No matter how much I shouted he didn't flinch. He put his hand on my shoulder, trying to tug me away from Phil. "NO!" I sobbed, clutching tightly onto Phil's body, my hands stained red with blood.  
"Dan..." my dad called again, shaking me.  
"Dan..." I shook my head, burying my face in my hands.  
"Dan..." I felt someone's arms around me.  
"Dan, wake up, please."  
Phil. I opened my eyes slowly. Phil was sat up in bed, and I was laid half on his lap. I was trembling, crying uncontrollably. "Ph-Phil?" I whimpered, and he nodded.  
"You had a nightmare." he whispered, and I noticed there were tears on his face. "You were shouting and crying... I couldn't wake you up." he sniffed, lying down next to me, stroking my hair soothingly. He looked shaken up, paler than usual.  
"I'm sorry." I said, holding tightly onto him.  
"Do you wanna talk about it?" he offered.  
I looked up at him for a few moments. "M-My dad... k-killed you." I said, barely audible. He sighed. "I thought it was something like that. You kept shouting."  
"Wh-What was I shouting?" I asked quietly, starting to feel a little embarrassed.  
"You kept shouting my name, and 'you killed him'. Then you wouldn't stop crying and shaking."  
"Oh god... I'm so sorry." I repeated for perhaps the twentieth time that night.  
"It's not your fault. Don't apologise, please, it's ok."  
"But now you're not gonna get any sleep either." I sighed  
"It's ok, Dan. It's not like we have anything to do tomorrow..." he glanced over at the clock, which read 4:30 am, "Today." he corrected himself.  
I sighed, brushing the tears from his face. "See, I've upset you."  
"I was worried, Dan! You wouldn't wake up."  
I flopped back down against the pillow, shutting my eyes. It had been ages since I'd had a nightmare that vivid. The last time had been back just before I'd been prescribed medication. I shuddered as I thought about it. Those months had been horrible. I just felt so out of it all the time. The anxiety wasn't quite as bad, but I hardly even felt human. Phil shuffled over closer to me, wrapping his arms around me from behind and kissing my cheek gently. I put my hands on top of his hands on my stomach, I just wanted the reassurance that he was there. It wasn't the fact that my dad had shot Phil that was the scariest part of my the dream, it was how easily Phil had given himself up, how I had been completely helpless, how no one had batted an eyelid when I was screaming and crying. I sighed, relaxing a little, leaning back into Phil, feeling his chest rising and falling steadily behind him. He kissed the back of my head. "Are you gonna be ok?" he whispered, and I nodded. I wasn't entirely sure I even wanted to go back to sleep, but I wasn't going to worry Phil any more than I already had.


	7. Part 7: Suspicion

When I woke up the first thing I was aware of was an empty bed. I sat up, looking around, heart slamming, suddenly unsure of what had been real and what I had dreamt. I only panicked for a few seconds though, before I heard the running of water in the shower. "Phil?" I called, getting out of bed. There was no reply. I sighed, looking around. It was well past midday. I pulled back the curtains, letting daylight stream into the room. I wasn't feeling great, I had a headache and I was still a little tired, but I didn't feel quite as scared as I had last night. "Phil?" I called out again. I really wanted to take a shower. I sighed, going over to knock on the bathroom door. I waited a moment then opened the door. Phil poked his head out from behind the shower curtain. "I wanna have a shower." I mumbled. "Come on then." Phil said, pulling back the shower curtain. I smiled a little, shutting the door behind me and stripping out of my underwear. I stepped into the shower under the warm jets, sighing as it poured over me, imagining that it was washing away all the events of lest night. Phil kissed me lightly. "How are you feeling?" he asked as I grabbed the shampoo. We often showered together, not necessarily in a sexual way, just being in the shower together. It was nice. I shrugged. "Not as bad as I thought I would." I yawned, applying the shampoo to my hair. "Come here." Phil smiled, turning me round and taking the shampoo out of my hands, massaging it into my scalp. I smiled, shutting my eyes and tilting my head back a little, appreciating how skilled Phil's hands really were, applying just the right amount of pressure. "Did you sleep ok?" I asked, remembering how I'd kept Phil up most of the night. "Yeah, of course. Nothing a long lie-in can't fix anyway." he said, and I heard a slight chuckle in his voice. "I'm sorry." I muttered, stepping under the shower to rinse out the suds. Phil turned me back around to look at him, sighing. "Dan, it isn't your fault." he said, his expression serious. He always said this, but I still felt like it was. "But it's not your fault either, you shouldn't have to lose sleep because of it."  
He guided me back towards him, kissing me softly before repeating the massage process with the conditioner. "It's nobody's fault, and a little bit of sleep is a sacrifice I'm more than willing to make if it means you feel a bit better. It's not your fault, your anxiety. You're suffering more than me, so if anything I should be the one apologising that I can't help any more than just getting you maltesers and telling you that everything's alright."  
"But it's not your f-" Phil put a finger over my lips and I obligingly stopped talking.  
"I don't want to have this conversation again, okay? I don't like knowing that you blame yourself for something you can't help."  
"But I do!"  
"Well I don't. It isn't your fault, because I know how much you hate being worried and upset all the time, and I know that if you could stop it you would."  
I stared up at the ceiling. That was exactly how I felt about it. That was exactly what I had tried to explain to my parents. "I know." I said eventually. "It's just... no one else seems to get that."  
"Well then you're lucky you have me." Phil smiled.  
I nodded. "I am." I shut my eyes again, letting my mind drift. "You're good at massages." I said absent-mindedly. "Thanks." Phil said, moving his hands a little lower down my hairline towards my neck. Usually I would have flinched but I felt so relaxed I couldn't stop a moan slipping past my lips. I opened my eyes when I realised, and heard Phil laughing. I elbowed him in the ribs lightly. "Can you massage my shoulders?" I asked quietly, rolling my shoulders back a little. "They're achy." I pouted.  
"Sure." Phil said, picking up the shower gel and squirting some into his hand. I turned back around, and soon felt his hands on my upper back. "I'll have to start charging you soon." he quipped, tickling one hand up past my neck briefly. I shuddered a little at the contact but stayed quiet, too relaxed to come up with a witty comeback.  
Once Phil had finished he pulled me under the water again, kissing me as the bubbles slid from our bodies and the distance between us closed. We stumbled out of the shower, holding each other steady as we continued to kiss. Phil grabbed two towels, keeping one hand on my waist as he lead me out of the bathroom and over to the bed, our limbs tangling together as we tumbled onto the bed.

"I'm hungry." I announced. I was still laid on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, a towel retaining a little of my dignity.  
"Then get dressed." Phil called from the other room. He emerged from the bathroom fully dressed, hair done, leaning against the door frame and grinning at me.  
"Fine." I groaned, realising I would have to wear yesterday's clothes again. I got myself out of bed and pulled my clothes on, giving my hair a once-over with the straighteners. "Let's go, I need food." I said, grabbing Phil's arm and pulling him up off the bed, grabbing my wallet and the keys from the side and dragging Phil outside. "Didn't you wear that yesterday?" Phil asked as we got into the lift. I nodded, glancing up at him. "I only brought two sets of clothes."  
Phil sighed. "Well you would, wouldn't you?" he chuckled. "We can go and get you some new stuff after we eat if you like?" he offered. I looked up at him hesitantly. "I'll buy." he added.  
"But I feel bad." I bit my lip.  
"Don't. What's mine is yours." Phil ruffled my hair and stepped out of the lift. I followed him, slipping my hand into his. "Where d'you want to eat?" Phil asked as we got outside into the already darkening street. I sighed, looking around. "Let's go there." I said decisively, pointing to a Chinese buffet a little further along the street. I wasn't in the mood to walk for half an hour to get some food. Phil smiled and followed me into the restaurant.

Once we had finished we sat back in our seats, eating the prawn crackers provided, discussing our eventual plan to buy a flat together. "Once we find a place we'd like to buy I can sell my old apartment." he shrugged. "It's not worth a whole load but I can make up the difference easy. We just need to find a place." Phil shrugged. I nodded, propping my feet up across the table on one side of his chair. "Sounds like a plan." I nodded. "Whereabouts where you thinking?" Phil thought for a moment. "I'm not sure. I don't know London that well. We'll have to just see what we like best."  
I nodded, continuing to eat the prawn crackers even though I was full.  
"D'you wanna go do a bit of shopping? I refuse to let you wear those clothes for another day." Phil said, sitting up.  
"Yeah, let's go. Believe me, I don't want to wear them any more than you want to see me wear them." I said, standing up and leading the way out. Phil laughed, following close behind me, taking hold of my shoulders and gently steering me towards the nearest tube station.

The shops were busy, full of people taking advantage of the January sales. Phil bought me a few pairs of jeans, four new shirts and a new jacket. Phil covered my eyes with his hand as the shop assistant rung up the items at the checkout, sliding his card into the machine with his other. I rolled my eyes. "I feel bad." I whined as he picked up the bag and handed it to me, putting his card away and tucking the receipt into his back pocket. "I would've done fine with some jeans and a new shirt or two."  
"What's mine is yours." Phil said again, putting an arm around me. "D'you wanna go back to the hotel?" Phil asked as we got outside. I nodded. "I'm still tired." I sighed as we entered the tube station. "Aww, we'll go back and get you to bed shall we?" he asked, and I nodded. "Please."

Phil pulled me onto the train and we squished inside. The tube was busy, but Phil located an empty seat and let me sit down. I offered for him to sit on my lap but he declined. That was probably wise, as I didn't feel like getting thrown any dirty looks today if I could help it. Phil held onto the bar next to my seat and I slid two fingers through one of the belt loops on his jeans. He glanced down at me, giving me a little smile. "D'you think you'll be able to sleep ok tonight?" Phil asked quietly. I sighed. I'd been trying not to think about that. "I think so." I lied, not wanting to worry Phil. He nodded. "I hope so." he said, glancing up as our stop was announced.

As we passed the hotel reception, we heard a voice call, "Dan Howell?"  
I froze. Me and Phil had agreed not to tell anyone my full name or answer to it. I turned round and frowned at the woman at reception. "Uh... no, why?"  
"If you're not Dan Howell I don't think it concerns you." she said sharply.  
"No but I... I know someone of that name." I persisted. I could feel Phil tugging at my arm, urging me to leave it, but I needed to know.  
She gave me a calculating look. "Someone called wanting to know if there was anyone by that name staying here. I said I'd see."  
"Why? W-Who called?"  
"That's not important."  
"I can let Dan know who called if you tell me." I said, desperate for the answer. She looked at me for a moment. "James Howell." she said at last. I tried not to let the panic show on my face. My dad must be on our trail. How the hell had he found us?  
"Ok, I'll let him know. Um... why did you ask if I was Dan?" I said cautiously. She frowned.  
"He said to look out for a tall brown haired guy... with an older male." she said slowly. I could feel my cheeks starting to go red.  
"Oh, that's a co-incidence I guess. Um, well thanks, I'll be letting Dan know." I nodded, my voice wavering a little and I let Phil lead me towards the lift.


	8. Part 8: Questions

Me and Phil didn't exchange a word until we were in the elevator and safely going up, when Phil grabbed my wrist and pulled me round to face him. "What the hell were you thinking?" he hissed.  
"Phil it's fine, we just need to get out of here. I've got a plan."  
"I thought we'd agreed to keep a low profile, Dan. I thought _that_ was the plan, not to go around asking questions like that."  
"Well we know now that my dad's on the lookout for us. At least we know something for sure."  
"Yeah but you're just drawing attention to us and raising suspicion."  
"I was just asking a few questions! I know what to do, seriously calm down."  
"Don't tell me to calm down, you're gonna get us in serious trouble, I have every reason to be angry."  
"Phil! I have a plan."  
"Oh, and when was the last time one of your pla-" Phil stopped abruptly as we reached our floor and the doors opened. A young couple were waiting outside, and they both looked a little surprised at the sight of us. Phil pulled me out of the lift, his grip still tight on my wrist as he pulled me up the corridor and shoved the key into the lock, opening the door with a bang. He pushed me inside and slammed the door behind himself. I stumbled back a few steps, staring up at him. "Phil..." I whispered. Phil wasn't usually one to get angry. His gaze snapped up to meet mine. "It's alright for you. You're not the one who's gonna be locked up if this goes down. After all the stuff I do for you, all the shit I put up with, I'd have thought the least you could do was keep your mouth shut." Phil growled. I took a few shaky steps back from him. I knew it. I knew he felt that way, and now of all times was the moment he chose to let it all out. I felt the back of my thigh come into contact with the edge of the bed and I sat down on it, my eyes wide as I looked up at Phil. "I-I'm sorry." I whispered.  
"STOP APOLOGISING." Phil shouted and I flinched, shuffling back on the bed. I'd never seen him angry like this before. I whimpered in terror as he took a few steps closer, I felt tears welling up in my eyes. "See, you don't mean it when you say you're sorry, do you? You've got nothing once I take away your petty little apologies." he snarled, visibly shaking. I put my face in my hands and burst into tears, backed up against the headboard, hugging my knees to my chest.

There was a silence in the room for a long time as I struggled to hold in sobs. I could hear Phil's heavy breathing but didn't dare to look up at him. I heard a few steps cross the room and he sat down in the armchair by the window. I let out something between a hiccup and a sob, but stifled it quickly. Phil sighed. "I'm so sorry." he murmured, his voice now quiet and wary. I looked up to see him sat forward in the chair, his head in his hands. I stared down at the bed covers in silence. "I didn't mean to get angry. I just... I'm as scared as you are. I don't know what to do."  
"I do." I said quietly. "We both forget about this argument for now, and get some sleep, and tomorrow morning we're gonna get out of here, and tell the woman in reception that we contacted Dan and he said him and Phil are going to Manchester. Got it?"  
"I... Yeah." Phil said defeatedly.  
"Good. Now you should get to sleep if you're getting this grouchy." I muttered daringly, slipping my jeans and shirt off before crawling under the covers and turning on my side away from him. I shut my eyes, trying not to get angry or upset, trying to clear my mind. Phil didn't move for a very long time. I finally felt him get into bed with me after almost an hour. I didn't want to sleep. I didn't want to have a nightmare, because I'd wake up Phil and he'd probably get mad. I fidgeted around a bit, trying to get comfortable, but I just couldn't. I heard Phil moving next to me, and a few seconds later he moved a little closer and his arms slid round my waist. I sighed, relaxing slightly. I managed to sleep eventually, but woke up several times in the night. Phil didn't stir, which was probably best. Maybe if he slept well he would be in a good mood in the morning and we could get out of here without a fuss and sort this argument out later.

When I woke up it was mid morning, and I was on my own again. I could hear the shower running, but I didn't call out to Phil. I laid out my clothes and waited until he was done to get in the shower. It felt weird to be in the shower on my own, but I told myself to get over it. We went down to breakfast in silence together, Phil's hands staying in the pockets of his jeans. We were quiet as we ate, only exchanging a few words until Phil put down his fork and looked at me. "What's the plan then?" he enquired, taking a sip of his coffee.  
"We go back up and pack, tell them there's been some changes of plan and that we have to leave early, then in passing tell the receptionist that we spoke to 'Dan' and that he said he's going to Manchester for a week or so. Then they'll start snooping around in Manchester, and we can go and stay in a different hotel and we'll hopefully have lost them."  
Phil nodded. "We could stay with some friends of mine. You know PJ, right? He lives not far from here. It might be easier to not stay anywhere they can track my credit card to."  
"Yeah, that's fine." I said, looking down at my empty plate.

We got up to our room and got packed in a few minutes, seeing as neither of us had brought much with us, and got our money back on the night we didn't stay and signed out in reception.  
"Oh, I called Dan Howell last night." I mentioned, as if the thought had just occurred to me. She looked up enquiringly. "If you're gonna be in contact with whoever called he said he's gonna be in Manchester for the next week or so." I said helpfully, and she nodded, scribbling something down on a post-it note. Me and Phil left as quickly as we could without looking guilty of anything, and headed towards the nearest train station. Once we were on the platform Phil called his friend. I sat on the bench and listened to Phil's end of the conversation with little interest.  
"Hey PJ, it's Phil... Yeah good thanks, you alright? ...Good... Well actually I was wondering if I could ask you a favour... If you don't have any other plans, d'you reckon me and Dan could stay at yours for a few days? ...Yeah, we're just... taking a little trip together. Is that alright? ...Oh, thanks so much man... Yeah, I'll explain everything when we get there... We'll only be a few nights... Thanks so much... We should be there in an hour or two... Yeah, ok." The train arrived and Phil got up, swinging his bag over his shoulder and followed me onto the train. We sat down together, Phil still talking more on the phone than he had to me all day so far. We were about ten minutes into the journey by the time the conversation drew to a close, by which time I was curled up in my seat facing away from him, watching his reflection in the window. "Yeah, alright, I'll see you in a while... Yeah, we should go out tonight or something." My heart sank. I guessed for me it would be a night to stay in and wait for Phil to stumble back at 2am. Phil glanced over at me, but I stayed quiet. "Yeah, bye... Thanks again." He hung up and put his phone back in his pocket. I didn't say anything. "He said we can crash at his place for as long as we need." he informed me, and I nodded. "Great." I mumbled, shutting my eyes. I heard him sigh. I was half asleep for most of the journey, vaguely aware of everything but not quite conscious, and it didn't do anything for the fatigue suspended over me. I followed Phil out of the station, onto a tube, onto another tube, then on the five minute walk from the tube to his friends house. I fixed a smile onto my face as PJ opened the door. He invited us inside, showed us to the spare room where we dumped our bags, and then we sat around in the living room for a while, talking. I sipped slowly at the tea he'd made and zoned out of the conversation, wanting to just go to our room and sleep. I was brought back down to earth as I felt Phil's arm around me. "You alright?" he asked, and I nodded. "M'Tired." I mumbled, looking around at PJ and his flatmate Jamie. "D'you wanna go and take a nap?" Phil suggested, patting my leg and I nodded, finishing off my tea and standing up. I left as quickly as I could, going across the hallway and flopping down on the bed. I could still hear the others talking in the living room.  
"Still up for going out tonight? I'll see if anyone else is around, I think Adam's still down seeing some family." I heard Pj say.  
"Yeah, sure." Phil said, then paused. "Well I'll... I'll make sure Dan's alright with staying here on his own." he added.  
"Why? He can come with us can't he?" Jamie asked, and PJ cleared his throat.  
"No, he's... he's underage." Phil said quietly.  
"He is?" Jamie sounded incredulous.  
"He's sixteen." Phil mumbled.  
"Oh..."  
There was a long silence. I shut my eyes, turning over on my front and burying my face in the soft pillows. That was always the reaction: 'Oh...'. Phil's friends had said exactly that when they first heard. They'd gotten used to it by now, but occasionally I'd catch a dirty look off one of them when we kissed or held hands, and I hated it. Seventeen months, I reminded myself. Seventeen months until I turned eighteen and we wouldn't have to receive this reaction off everybody, but until then we had to hide it from almost everyone. I wasn't sure what was worse, having to tell people that there was a five year age gap between us, or having to pretend that me and Phil weren't together and seeing some guy or girl flirting with Phil and then having to act like everything was ok. The thought of both was a horrible one. Why couldn't everyone just accept that we were happy and leave us alone? It wasn't like Phil was a bad person, or like he was taking advantage of me in any way, in fact he treated me better than I could ever remember being treated. I drifted off again, falling into that weird daydream state, and only jerked myself out of it when Phil came in. "Hey, are you feeling ok?" he said quietly, sitting next to me on the bed. I nodded. "Um, do you mind if I go out in a while? It's just... it's been ages since I saw these guys. I'd say you could come too but, it probably wouldn't be a lot of fun for you, and there's this club Pj wants to go to and it's over 18s only so..." I cut off his rambling. "It's fine." I lied, giving him a quick smile.  
"Ok, thank you." Phil said, sitting cross legged next to me, stroking my hair softly. "Pj's got some games and a load of consoles and films and stuff, he said you're welcome to them. I nodded. "I'll leave you some money and you can order pizza or something." I nodded again.  
"Thanks." I mumbled, shifting onto my side so I could look up at him.  
"It's ok, are you sure you don't mind? I'll stay in if you want me to."  
"No, don't be stupid. Go out and have a bit of fun." I said, my eyes drooping shut again. Phil smiled, shuffling closer to me. I moved over, resting my head in his lap.  
"Didn't sleep that well last night, huh?" he asked, running his fingers through my hair. I shook my head. "Not really."  
"Listen, I'm sorry I got angry last night. I didn't mean that stuff. I just got... scared. I don't want to lose you."  
"It's ok." I mumbled, shutting my eyes. "I don't want to lose you either."


	9. Part 9: Second Thoughts

I fell asleep for a while, drifting off in Phil's lap, and when I woke up Phil was gone and the house was quiet. I sat up with a yawn. I didn't know how long I had slept for but I felt refreshed. I spotted a twenty pound note on the bed side table, along with a note from Phil.  
_Gone out now, we'll probably be back late. Peej says to make yourself at home and feel free to use the consoles and everything. I left money for pizza. have a nice evening :)  
Phil xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_  
I couldn't help but smile a little as I stood up and stretched, wandering out into the kitchen and pouring myself a drink. I did as PJ had said and made myself at home, turning on my laptop for the first time in days, sticking the TV on and ordering a pizza. Once I had food I put on a film and took one of Phil's jumpers from his bag, snuggling up in it and relaxing, checking my twitter and tumblr and youtube subscriptions and not paying much attention to the film. I felt a little more secure now that we weren't staying in a hotel and mine and Phil's names couldn't be traced. PJ and Jamie both seemed nice, and had an impressive collection of games and films. I certainly felt less on edge here, as it was in a slightly less busy part of London and there were no hotels near, so my parents wouldn't suspect it at all. Besides, my parents thought we were in Manchester so we were safe. I played some games, watched a few more films and raided the fridge, and got into bed just after midnight. I took my jeans off but kept Phil's jumper on; it was warm and fluffy and a little too big for me and it smelt like Phil, and it was just comforting. It was the next best thing to having Phil actually there with me.

I didn't resent Phil for going out, as he'd had a stressful past few days and it wasn't his fault I couldn't come. It was good to have a little time apart anyway. We used to spend a lot of time together, but not non-stop like this, just for a few hours a day and I often slept round his, but I had to go home so my parents didn't worry. It was nice to spend so much time with Phil all at once, don't get me wrong; I had always hated those every-other nights when I had to sleep on my own, but being with him non-stop had been a little straining for us, especially as I was so anxious and probably really annoying, and we were both so tired and on edge. In fact, we had coped pretty well considering the circumstances. I loved Phil, an unbelievable amount, and I couldn't even imagine what it would have been like to have had to break up with him of my own accord. I was sure I would have had a breakdown within a few days, and have called him before the week was through. We were safe here, and it was nice to be able to hold Phil's hand in public and go out for dinner with him... Things that normal couples did. I could even kid myself that we were the same age.

I didn't care that Phil was so much older than me, and in fact five years wasn't even that much. Phil was comfortable with us and so was I, so I didn't see why it should be anyone else's business. I loved him and he treated me like an adult, which was a nice change from being babied by my parents and talked down to by my friends. Phil understood me. He got that my anxiety wasn't my fault, wasn't just me 'looking for attention'. He knew how to calm me down. Unlike almost everybody else I'd ever been with it wasn't about looks or how drunk they were, or how willing they would be to make out for a while so I could escape my friends, with Phil it was so much deeper than that. It was the way he was so caring and the way he told me he loved me and the way he knew exactly what I was feeling and how to make me feel better if I was scared or upset.  
It was the way he looked at me, that made me feel like I was important to him, like I was his everything. That was something I'd never even come close to experiencing before.

I tossed and turned for a little while, trying to get to sleep, but I didn't feel very tired any more. I eventually gave up and went back on my laptop for bit. For several hours I was sat up on youtube, and I finally tried to sleep again and three am, with little success. I was just about to go and stick another film on when I heard the front door open and loud voices. Phil appeared a little while later, unsteady on his feet. I stayed where I was, having found myself half asleep. "Shh, shh, Dan's asleep." Phil called to the others in a stage whisper, even though he was making most of the noise himself. "Aww, he's so adorable when he's asleep, aww look at him." he cooed from the doorway. I still didn't move, trying to hide the little smirk on my face. Phil was so cute when he was drunk. I heard PJ call something to him from the other room about more drinks. "No, I'm fine..." he said, the slur obvious in his voice. He stumbled into the room and I felt a dip in the bed behind me a few moments later, and then his arms around me. He was trying his best to stay quiet so as not to wake me, but he let out the occasional giggle. "Dan," Phil said in another one of those whispers that practically echoed around the room. "Yeah?" I mumbled. "Are you awake?" he asked, and I chuckled a little. "Yep. Did you have a good time?"  
"Yeah it was great! We saw this band play - you have to come with us next time, they were awesome." he paused for a bit. "Did I wake you up?" he asked after a silence.  
"No, I was having trouble sleeping anyway. I don't like sleeping on my own."  
"Aww," Phil pressed a clumsy kiss to the side of my face, "Well now you don't have to sl- is this my jumper?" he got distracted mid sentence. I bit my lip, going a little red.  
"Yeah. It's comfy... and it smells nice." I muttered. He laughed quietly.  
"You're so sweet." he said, tilting my head round to face him and kissing me. I twisted round a little to make it easier. I screwed my face up at the alcohol on his tongue, and pulled away quickly. "How much did you drink tonight?" I asked with a little smile, nudging my forehead against his.  
"A bit," Phil giggled. "I wish you could've come with us."  
"Nah it's ok, you deserve a break from me anyway." I said quietly. I pressed a short kiss to Phil's soft, pink lips. Phil sighed. "Don't say that, you know I don't mind. How are you feeling anyway?" he asked, looking closely at me, his eyes slightly unfocused.  
"Fine. A lot more relaxed." I said, stroking his hair softly. He nodded and smiled. "Good."  
We heard PJ stumbling by on the other side of the closed door, and Jamie shouting something to him. "Did you tell those guys... why we're really here?" I asked quietly. Phil shook his head. "I told them we're going on a trip together. I don't know whether to tell them or not... I mean, I trust them, I just don't think we should just tell everyone and anyone. I don't know, what do you think?"  
"I don't mind. If you can trust them then they should know the truth, they are letting us stay here after all."  
"Yeah, I guess..." Phil said quietly. "I don't know how they'd react though. You didn't see Jamie's reaction to the whole age thing."  
I frowned, "What happened... I heard you tell him and he did the 'oh' thing."  
"Yeah, well he kept giving me these looks, then tonight after he'd had a few drinks he brought it up again..."  
I sighed, leaning my head on his chest. "What did he say?"  
"Well at first he was going on about how it was illegal and I could get into trouble for it... Then he said it must be weird for me because surely if the age difference is that big you're not as mature as me and we couldn't have much in common." Phil sniffed. I frowned, hugging him.  
"It's bullshit Phil, you know that."  
"I know, I love you, I just want to be able to be like... A normal couple, without people trying to talk me out of it."  
"It's ok... only another year and a half." I said, before realising that wasn't a lot of comfort. That was still a long time. Phil sighed. He still seemed a little upset. "Is everything ok?" I asked. He was quiet for a minute or so.  
"Jamie somehow came to the conclusion that I don't care about you and that I'm just using you for sex." he blurted out.  
We were both quiet for a while longer. Eventually I spoke. "But you're not. We both know that." I laughed nervously.  
"Of course I'm not, it's just... I don't like thinking that that's what everyone thinks about us."  
"They don't, I bet most people don't think twice about it. Five years really isn't all that much."  
"I know, I just... I hate it, hearing what people think about us... about me. He said if I wasn't PJ's friend he'd call the police."  
"Well then he's an idiot and needs to mind his own business. It doesn't matter what other people think if we're happy, right? Unless... I mean, are you happy?"  
"Yeah, of course I am. It's just... I thought we would be more accepted away from your parents and everything."  
"You're... are you having second thoughts?" I asked, barely daring to voice the question.  
"No, they're not second thoughts, Dan. They're things I've always been worried about. I'm just starting to wonder if this whole running away thing is worth it. Surely it would be easier to just go back... I bet your parents are worried sick about you."  
I stared at him through the almost total darkness, his eyes the only distinguishable feature. I mumbled something inaudible and turned back around, blinking back tears. He arms slid cautiously round my waist a few minutes later, and we lay there in silence for a while. I had difficulty sleeping even now that Phil was here.


	10. Part 10: Morning

I lay there for a while, staring unseeingly into the dark, the odd tear trickling down my face. I didn't even realise I was speaking until I heard my own voice.  
"But my dad's called the police. If we go back now you'll get arrested." I said in a little voice.  
"Yeah..." Phil mumbled, and I could tell he wasn't listening.  
"Can you really not stand me that much that you'd rather go to jail than stick around with me?" I blurted out. That thought had never occurred to me before I said it, but I knew I was losing Phil's interest. He couldn't brush this off like some casual remark.  
"You know that's not what I mean. Go to sleep, Dan."  
"No! Phil, how can you just act like this isn't a big deal? You can't just say that and pretend it's nothing!"  
"Dan, we'll talk in the morning." Phil said sharply.  
"No!" I said, elbowing him in the ribs and pushing his arms off of me. I got up off the bed, looking round at him. "If you want to tell me something why the fuck can't you say it now?" Phil sighed, rolling onto his back and staring up at the ceiling. "You didn't have to come, you know. I didn't even expect you to agree. There was nothing from stopping you from staying at home. If you've always been worried about it why didn't you tell me before we fucking left?" Phil remained silent, his face expressionless. I could tell he was trying to block my words out. "Phil!" I shouted, grabbing a pillow up from the bed and throwing at him. It hit him in the chest and he sat up and hurled it back at me, glaring at me. "Shut up." he growled. I stared at him, before dropping my gaze, dropping the pillow down onto the bed. "I-I don't want to go home." I whispered, shutting my eyes and letting my shoulders slump.  
"Look, all I'm saying is that if things were different I probably wouldn't have stuck around this long."  
"If what was different?" I said quietly.  
"The whole thing with your dad and the police... I just-"  
"If you go back you'll get arrested. Is that the only reason you put up with me?" I stifled a sob, covering my face with my hands.  
"Stop twisting what I'm saying!" Phil said, throwing the pillow back at me. I flinched. "If we go back now I'm gonna get arrested, and we'll never see each other again. If your dad hadn't got the police involved we could've just been a bit more careful about it, but now they're on the lookout for me this is the only way we can stay together... C'mere." he sighed, his voice softening, tugging my arm gently and pulling me towards him. I let him pull me back down onto the bed, and he held me tightly. "I'm not gonna leave you."  
I hid my face in the crook of his neck, closing my eyes. "I won't let anyone take you away from me." I mumbled, and he pulled the covers up over us. It was comforting, to have his arms around me, my head in his shoulder. I was surrounded by Phil, and that was a nice thought. I felt safe, inhaling his scent with every breath in. Phil kissed my temple.  
"You can keep that jumper if you want." he murmured. I could faintly smell the alcohol on his breath. I wondered if he would have said any of that if he had been sober.

Next morning I woke up before Phil. He was fast asleep, his arms still tight around me. I smiled and shut my eyes again, for a while just enjoying the comfort of his grasp. I tried to get back to sleep but I wasn't tired, so I got up and showered. I had to very carefully extract myself from Phil's arms so as not to wake him. Pj and Jamie were still asleep as well, and it was quiet in the house again. I went into the kitchen and made some tea, yawning and stretching. I jumped slightly as I felt a pair of arms around my waist, then recognised the hands and the gentle touch as Phil's.  
"Hey." he mumbled, resting his chin on my shoulder. I looked sideways at him. "Hey, how are you feeling?" I asked, planting a light kiss on his cheek.  
"Not bad... I've been worse." he said, and I felt his shoulders shrug slightly.  
"Aww, would tea make you any better?"  
"Yes please." Phil said as the kettle hit boiling point. He kept his arms wrapped round me as I made the tea, only letting go to take the mug off of me. We sat down at the kitchen table together.  
"I didn't wake you up or anything last night did I?" he asked, and I paused. "I don't really remember anything from after we went out."  
I looked down into my tea. "No, I didn't hear you come in." I lied, shooting a hopefully convincing smile at him. It kind of made me feel better that he didn't remember it. He probably didn't mean most of what was said anyway.  
"Did you have a good night then?" I asked, tapping my fingers against the side of the mug. He nodded. "From what I can remember, yeah." he mumbled, blowing on his tea before taking a sip. He lowered his voice, "But Jamie's not as nice as I thought he was."  
"He isn't?" I frowned, seeing as I was supposed to be oblivious to last night's events. Phil shook his head.  
"Started ranting to me about us and how it's... illegal... then he said he would call the police if I wasn't Pj's friend. I haven't told them about your dad or anything, I just don't know how they'd react. If I told Pj he'd probably end up telling Jamie." he sighed heavily, looking up at me. "I think it'd be best if we kept the... Affection on a minimum while we're here." I nodded understandingly. "Do you wanna go out in a while? Get out of here for a bit."  
I nodded, "Yes please."  
"Well I'm gonna jump in the shower." Phil said, running a hand through his hair, ruffling it a little, "Would you care to join me?"  
"Do you even have to ask?" I grinned at him, finishing my tea and standing up. Phil took my hand and lead me up the hall to the bathroom, his hands sliding round my waist, his intents obviously a little less innocent than usual as he kissed me, but it wasn't like I minded. He turned the shower on and pulled me inside once we were both undressed.

The hot water slid over both of us, our bodies entwined as we kissed, our chests pressed against each other. We pulled apart after a few minutes and I looked up at him with a smirk, running a hand through his damp hair. I kissed his neck, starting to suck gently at the sensitive skin. He tilted his head to the side, giving me clearer access to the area as his hand slid down between us, wrapping his fingers around me as I worked on the lovebite, his hand moving slowly. I was struggling to hold back moans by the time I was satisfied with the mark, currently red but which would hopefully turn a satisfying purple soon. I knew he liked having those little marks from me on him. I kissed the spot before slowly dropping to my knees in front of him, my hands on his hips. I trailed kisses down his abdomen and across his hip bones, leaving more little marks. He held my gaze the whole time, a look of anticipation in his eyes. I smiled, moving back and licking his tip before pulling away and watching as Phil moaned quietly, looking down at me. I ran my tongue along the bottom of his length, all the way from the base and lightly kissing the tip, smirking back up at him. "T-Tease..." he mumbled. I smirked, leaning up again and taking a little of him into my mouth this time. "Dan..." Phil gasped. I smiled as best I could around him, slowly taking more and more into my mouth. Phil whined, his fingers tangling in my hair and tugging lightly. I began to bob my head, slowly at first, Phil moaning quietly above me, his eyes shut. I was knelt under the head of the shower and my hair was plastered to my face, water dripping off the end of my nose and getting in my eyes, but I hardly noticed.

I felt Phil's fingers tighten in my hair as he started to gently guide my head up and down, getting faster. I let him take control, his hand almost painfully tight in my hair. I used one hand to get to the base where my lips couldn't quite reach, moving in time with my mouth. Phil's moans were getting louder, and the thought that PJ and Jamie could probably hear us only very briefly crossed my mind. "Dan..." Phil groaned, looking down at me. "I-I'm gonna..." he panted, his hand still tightly clutching a handful of my hair as he slowed to a stop. I continued stroking him with one hand, and his hand moved round to my jaw, gently coaxing my mouth open. I looked up at him, my mouth open wide. He groaned one last time and released, shooting his load into my mouth and some dripping down my chin. I swallowed quickly, refraining from screwing my face up and got to my feet. Phil swiped some of his come off my chin with his thumb and I licked it off, grinning at him. He was still breathing heavily, leant against the wall as if he didn't trust the support of his legs. I kissed him, feeling my own erection pressed against his thigh. We froze as there was a loud knock on the door.

"Hurry up!" Jamie shouted impatiently. I bit my lip, looking up at Phil, who stared back at me.  
"Uh... just a sec." he called back, leaning over to turn the water off. I let out a quiet whimper, my eyes wide. I was in desperate need of some attention myself, but he just put a hand over my mouth.  
"Hurry up, I don't have long." Jamie sounded furious. Phil but his lip. Jamie would go crazy if he knew we'd been showering together. Phil got out and handed me a towel, wrapping one around his waist and opening the door a fraction, peering round it.  
"Could you just give us- me a few minutes?"  
"Us?" Jamie said, pushing the door open and looking in at me, then back at Phil. "Get out." he said quietly. Phil grabbed my hand and lead me back to our bedroom. "Oh god." Phil groaned, putting his head in his hands

"Phil..." I whined, practically rutting against his leg.  
"Alright, I'm sorry." Phil muttered, pushing me against the closed door and wrapping his hand around me, obviously still a little distracted. "Make it quick, I think it's best we get out of here for a few hours." he said quietly. I nodded, letting out a sigh of relief.


End file.
